The Ghost Moves the Moment You Hit the Number

November 2004.

I was 24 years old, a sales manager at Best Buy, running one of the top five stores in the country. Best Buy was a much bigger deal then than it is today. I had started in retail at 16, selling pagers and colorless-screen Nokias and Motorolas at Circuit City. A friend recruited me to Best Buy after I left school. Yes, I was a college dropout. And on paper, things were going well.

My father had always taught me that if I was a top performer who put in the effort, I could earn more. I carried that into the conversation when I asked for a raise.

They told me no. They said they were paying me market rate for my age.

I knew older men in the same role who were paid more and performing worse. I also did not like that every position had a cap on my earnings. Store manager. District. The next rung. There was a ceiling at every step, and I did not like it.

Whether that story matches yours or not, you have probably felt a ceiling of your own. In your life. In your career. It creates a kind of angst that makes you want to crawl out of your skin. For a young, ambitious guy like me, it forced a harder question.

Is this the place for me?

That questioning pushed me toward entrepreneurship. Two days after the raise was denied, I made a decision that changed the direction of my life. I stepped into the entrepreneurial world and began building.

I did not know it yet, but I was already chasing a ghost.

This episode is part of a series walking through the themes of The Kairos Code. Today I want to talk about the moving bar, identity, and what happens when achievement becomes the place you look for peace.

The Ghost Was a Version of Me Who Finally Felt Like Enough

The ghost was a version of me that hit the number and finally felt like I was enough. Almost like Peter Pan's shadow. I was going to become him. And then I was going to rest.

Watch what happens with ghosts.

You never catch them. The moment you hit the number, the ghost moves.

You may be telling yourself peace is on the other side of the raise. You get the raise. The peace lasts a weekend.

Then peace is on the other side of the promotion. You get the promotion. That peace lasts a weekend.

Then peace is on the other side of the company. You build the company. The peace lasts a weekend.

Then peace is on the other side of the exit. You get the exit. The peace lasts a weekend.

And now what?

High achievers set a bar, hit the bar, and immediately ask what the next bar is. For me it sounded like this:

When I hit a hundred clients, then I have made it.

When I make a couple hundred thousand, then I have made it.

When I make a million dollars, then I make it.

When I get all my designations, then I have made it.

I kept moving the bar on myself and making myself feel like I was not enough. The truth is I was doing a lot of what I was supposed to be doing. I just never let a finish line stay finished.

Sound familiar?

If it does, pause here and write the last three finish lines you told yourself would finally be enough. Look at the gap between what you promised yourself and how long the peace actually lasted. That gap is where the ghost lives.

Achievement Can Become the Place You Look for Identity

I chased that ghost for over a decade. I hit numbers. I built. I made money. I had the title and the recognition. On the outside, I was winning. On the inside, I was a shell of a man.

My identity was wrapped up in my career, even in my title. I had worked hard to get to that mountaintop, and I still saw more growth ahead. When that career was ripped away from me in June of 2021, there was suddenly a question I could not answer.

Who am I?

When your career or your title is how you identify in life, a sudden loss or change can drive deep depression and a lack of self. Achievement was my drug. Competition and goals were my drug. And the withdrawal almost killed me.

I need you to hear that again. Achievement was my drug, and the withdrawal almost killed me.

I am not telling you to stop being successful. I am successful. I am still setting goals and pursuing them. What I am saying is that your identity is not comprised of those things. Your identity is wrapped in who you are becoming as a human being to the people who matter most to you. In the being, not only in the doing.

I often recommend the book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine, and the free assessments on his site, including the saboteur assessment. One of those saboteurs is the hyper achiever. Achievement itself is not the problem. Placing your identity only in achievement is.

A practical way to test this in your own life is simple. Cover the title on your business card, the revenue number on your dashboard, or the designation after your name. What is left that your spouse, your kids, or your closest friend would still recognize as you? If the answer feels thin, the ghost has been doing too much of the work.

If Peace Lives on the Other Side of the Next Number, It Does Not Exist

Here is what I want you to walk away with.

If your identity is your title, you are one bad quarter away from a full-scale breakdown.

If your peace is on the other side of the next number, your peace does not exist.

If the man you are becoming to hit the goal is not the man your wife married, the goal is not worth it.

You do not have a business problem. You have a definition of success problem. And no amount of grinding is going to fix the wrong definition.

So here is my charge for the week.

What is one number you should stop chasing this week?

What is one moment you should start chasing instead?

Replace number with moment. One number to stop chasing. One moment to start chasing.

Step one: identify the ghost you are chasing.

Step two: stop chasing ghosts. Start building a life.

If this hits hard, share the episode with someone you see yourself in. We often recognize the pattern in others before we are willing to see it in ourselves. Lead them toward being, not only doing.

Action Items From Today

1. Finish this sentence in writing: "I'll finally feel like enough when ______." Notice how many times you have already changed that answer.
2. Name one number you will stop chasing this week, and one moment you will start chasing instead. Put both on the same note card.
3. Ask yourself whether the person you are becoming to hit your current goal is still the person your spouse or closest people recognize.
4. Rate where your identity currently sits: title, revenue, recognition, or who you are becoming in the being. Circle the one that would hurt most to lose.
5. Share this episode with one high achiever who keeps putting peace on the other side of the next milestone.
6. Take the Life Quotient Assessment if your definition of success has drifted from the life you want.

Five Bridges Challenges

Spiritual Bridge: Before you raise the next target, sit with God and ask what that target is supposed to serve in the life you are actually called to build.

Internal Bridge: Notice one place where achievement is doing the job of identity, and write down who you are without that number attached.

Relationships Bridge: Ask your spouse or a trusted person this week: "When I chase the next goal, what version of me shows up at home?" Listen without defending.

Go Deeper with The Kairos Code

Everything in this article comes from a bigger framework I lay out in my book, The Kairos Code.

The Greeks had two words for time. Chronos is clock time, the minutes we track and the hours we never seem to have enough of. Kairos is the opportune moment, the one that matters.

The book is about learning to live in Kairos. That means walking through the Five Bridges in order: Spiritual, Internal, Relationships, Environment, and Legacy. You stop trading your business for your family, or your family for your business, and start building a life where both can grow.

If this article hit home, the book will take you further.

The Kairos Code is available in paperback and hardcover, and now on Audible.

The Moment is NOW.

Inspire & Impact,

Josh